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Did time go backwards? Could a surfer theoretically stay young by getting tubed often? And what about foamballs and shockwaves and waves that spat inward — fact or fantasy? The Mystery of the Tube, particularly in its slow motion form on a cinema screen, was an indulgence that worked because it fed careers, gave surfing magazines something metaphysical to pontificate about besides the enlightening nature of mary-jane and created heroes out of otherwise unremarkable human beings.

Suddenly, it was way more thrilling for Slater to launch a flat rotation at Pipe than make a foot barrel. Suddenly, dorks were were eating their lunch inside five-minute Flowrider tubes, emerging from their lair to launch kick-flips and rodeos. Why, where, how? The bodyboarders: Thirty years ago, the tuberide was the preserve of expert surfers on leashless single-finned surfboards.

In Hawaii, at Kirra, along the reefs of Indonesia, these men would disappear for one, two, even three seconds at a time and emerge to rapturous applause from their filmers. For the first time in history, a surfer began talking intimately and prosaically about the innermost workings of the tube — what he could see, what he felt, about the shock wave, and all in a calm manner alien to the hipped-out, acid-dropping surfer.

Goodbye to the tube as the key to the gates of enlightenment. Butch and the Gay Caballeros aka tow teams: Any fool alive can ride a foot tube, whether Teahupoo or Ours, if dragged over the ledge by a Yamaha or SeaDoo. What once cost a lifetime of skill and bravado can now be had as easily as a grande soy latte from Starbucks. Goodbye scarcity of experience. Submerged propeller pumps juiced water over a foam bank creating a permanent tube that allowed a man to experience tubular bliss for however long he desired.

Well, why would you? Cue raised heart beat, cue internal screaming. The tube is dead; long live the tube. Forget about your couple of strawberries with a large scoop of vanilla ice-cream, and maybe a bit of yoghurt, this SE:So Kikas, how old are you now? How is your typical week from Monday to Sunday? Well, from Please enter your email so we can keep you updated with news, features and the latest offers.

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